Words can sometimes be recalcitrant creatures. You think you have them trained to say what you want them to say, then you find rebels who decide to convey an entirely different message. We heap praise on the bright little words who have developed the capacity to have differing meanings or even stand for completely different things. But the rogues are always lurking, and it seems that one of the favourite people they try to catch unawares is the Headline Writer. Examples of their misbehaviour are constantly being collected, some of which can be proved to be true and probably just as many which surely must be apocryphal. All provoke some interesting pictures.
These misinterpreted headlines have been called Crash Blossoms or Garden Paths. Here are some chosen examples that caused me to react with a gentle smile and sometimes with a surprised chuckle.
McDONALD'S FRIES THE HOLY GRAIL FOR FARMERS
BRITISH LEFT WAFFLES ON FALKLANDS
SQUAD HELPS DOG BITE VICTIM
RED TAPE HOLDS UP BRIDGE
'GATOR ATTACKS PUZZLE EXPERTS
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
SMOKING RISKIER THAN THOUGHT
LAWMEN FROM MEXICO BARBECUE GUESTS
POLICE CANT STOP GAMBLING
ANTIQUE STRIPPER TO DISPLAY WARES IN STORE
POLICE DISCOVER CRACK IN AUSTRALIA
GRANDMOTHER OF EIGHT SHOOTS A HOLE IN ONE
STOLEN PAINTING FOUND BY TREE.
It seems that Proof-readers, Spellcheck, or disgrunted readers cannot rein in these lurking monsters. Thank Goodness !
Friday, February 12, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Talking Strine
Recently, there was a program on TV examining Australian speech patterns. Reference was made to a book published in the 1960s called "Strine" by Afferbeck Lauder. I used to own this whimsical paperback, probably a Christmas or Birthday gift from a perceptive family member with sound values. Already republished three times in the '60s, a new edition has hit the bookshops, so I will probably chase it up to renew old acquaintance.
A few of the definitions that have whetted my appetite, (what a cute little cliche !) are offered to emphasize the high-quality scholarship expended on this cultural icon.
Scona : A meteorological term, as in, Scona rine; scona clearup.
Semmitch : Two slices of bread with a filling in between, as in, M-semmitch; semmen semmitch; chee semmitch. Here is the way to order a semmitch in a shop.
A. Sell semmitches ?
B. Air; emeny jiwant ?
A. Gimmie utter martyr an an airman pikkle.
Emma charday ?
Share : (a) Bathroom water spray, as in, Wine chevver cole share ? or, I think I'll ever shy venner not share. (b) Rain, as in, Scadded shares an thunnerstorms.
All entries are in Afferbeck Lauder.
A few of the definitions that have whetted my appetite, (what a cute little cliche !) are offered to emphasize the high-quality scholarship expended on this cultural icon.
Scona : A meteorological term, as in, Scona rine; scona clearup.
Semmitch : Two slices of bread with a filling in between, as in, M-semmitch; semmen semmitch; chee semmitch. Here is the way to order a semmitch in a shop.
A. Sell semmitches ?
B. Air; emeny jiwant ?
A. Gimmie utter martyr an an airman pikkle.
Emma charday ?
Share : (a) Bathroom water spray, as in, Wine chevver cole share ? or, I think I'll ever shy venner not share. (b) Rain, as in, Scadded shares an thunnerstorms.
All entries are in Afferbeck Lauder.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Time Wasters
Bertrand Russell was a Philospher and a Mathematician who received a Nobel Prize for Literature in 1950. He is reputed to have said, " There is much pleasure to be gained from useless knowledge ". These words coming from such a learned man strongly validate my interest in this neglected area. If only I could get more people to recognise this, I too could have had a Nobel Prize for Literature in the area of Collection of Useless Information. It's probably too late for me, but in order to assist other devotees to persevere and perhaps capture this rare prize, I am quite willing to share my Useless Knowledge (Hereinafter called U.K.; not to be confused with the United Kingdom, although a lot of my U.K. collection does seem to emanate from there.)
An example of U.K.
A Lipogram is the omission of a specific letter from a written work, keeping the same meaning but substituting words that don't contain the forbidden letter. It is harder than it looks. Here is "Mary Had A Little Lamb" without the letter "s", (not my work but the creation of some anonymous time-waster.)
Mary had a little lamb
With fleece a pale white hue,
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb kept her in view;
To academe he went with her
Illegal and quite rare;
It made the children laugh and play
To view a lamb in there.
For those who may remain a little unconvinced, I finish with another aphorism from B. Russell: "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time ". This type of advice to young people might not be appreciated by dyspeptic pedagogues or passionate parents,
but to the rest of us it is an inspiration. On with the search !
An example of U.K.
A Lipogram is the omission of a specific letter from a written work, keeping the same meaning but substituting words that don't contain the forbidden letter. It is harder than it looks. Here is "Mary Had A Little Lamb" without the letter "s", (not my work but the creation of some anonymous time-waster.)
Mary had a little lamb
With fleece a pale white hue,
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb kept her in view;
To academe he went with her
Illegal and quite rare;
It made the children laugh and play
To view a lamb in there.
For those who may remain a little unconvinced, I finish with another aphorism from B. Russell: "The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time ". This type of advice to young people might not be appreciated by dyspeptic pedagogues or passionate parents,
but to the rest of us it is an inspiration. On with the search !
Monday, February 8, 2010
Library Musings
A visit to our local library made me ponder about the way in which such establishments have changed over the years. When I was a boy, (that famous phrase used so frequently by geriatric gossips), public libraries were not common. I am sure there were lots more than I was aware of, but I can recall only one large one in Ann Street in the city. This would have been run by the Brisbane City Council. There were a few "private" libraries scattered about, however. When I was about 15, riding on a tram to work, I noticed a Lending Library in a row of shops at Windsor. So, in the afternoon I got off the tram well before my regular stop to explore this little treasure house. Naturally I joined, paid a small fee, and began borrowing fiction novels for a while. Breaking my journey meant a walk home of a couple of miles, as I didn't want to squander pennies on the tram. It was worth the effort, especially as in those days of minimal traffic, a book could be commenced on the way home.
Later I discovered another source of books when I came across a library either under or near the Courier Mail building in Queen Street, Brisbane.In my lunch hour, I could just find time to walk from my workplace at Petrie Bight to the Library ( and back, of course), this time devouring a sandwich not a book. The library was called The Saint Thomas Aquinas Library, and as might be supposed it was run by a Catholic organization. At that time the Catholic Church had a censorship group that listed proscribed books that they considered immoral or sinful,and not to be read by the flock. These days, their choices would be considered hilarious, but they certainly would not have been found at Aquinas. I think I remember that "The Three Musketeers" was one of the naughty books, so I suppose I'll pay for reading that (and others) eventually. One series of short stories I encountered was Chesterton's "Father Brown" stories, a gentle introduction to the hundreds of mystery stories I was to enjoy in subsequent years.
One challenge I set myself at Aquinas was to read Dante's "Paradise Lost ", a massive task, but eventually finished and this provided a stepping stone to further "classical" writings. If you can persevere with Dante, the other ancient scribes are all down hill difficultywise. (I think I've discovered a new word).
These libraries were not large, and fairly quickly ceased to provide sustenance to a rapidly increasing voracious appetite. Once my peregrinations began with my teaching career, contact with Public Libraries was minimal until .... but that's another story !
Later I discovered another source of books when I came across a library either under or near the Courier Mail building in Queen Street, Brisbane.In my lunch hour, I could just find time to walk from my workplace at Petrie Bight to the Library ( and back, of course), this time devouring a sandwich not a book. The library was called The Saint Thomas Aquinas Library, and as might be supposed it was run by a Catholic organization. At that time the Catholic Church had a censorship group that listed proscribed books that they considered immoral or sinful,and not to be read by the flock. These days, their choices would be considered hilarious, but they certainly would not have been found at Aquinas. I think I remember that "The Three Musketeers" was one of the naughty books, so I suppose I'll pay for reading that (and others) eventually. One series of short stories I encountered was Chesterton's "Father Brown" stories, a gentle introduction to the hundreds of mystery stories I was to enjoy in subsequent years.
One challenge I set myself at Aquinas was to read Dante's "Paradise Lost ", a massive task, but eventually finished and this provided a stepping stone to further "classical" writings. If you can persevere with Dante, the other ancient scribes are all down hill difficultywise. (I think I've discovered a new word).
These libraries were not large, and fairly quickly ceased to provide sustenance to a rapidly increasing voracious appetite. Once my peregrinations began with my teaching career, contact with Public Libraries was minimal until .... but that's another story !
Friday, February 5, 2010
Strange Occupations
In a paint manufacturing firm, who has the job of giving the paint colours their names ? Is paint-naming a specialised craft or something that is palmed off onto the office boy or another staff member with a history of under-achievement ? I don't remember seeing any newspaper advertisements seeking a highly qualified lateral-thinking person for the position of Hue Titler, previous experience not necessary. Perhaps employers have a stall at School Careers Day where an expert, staring fixedly at a pile of coloured splotches, tries to encourage school-leavers to venture into this unusual field with great future opportunities. Are there University Courses, e.g. Paint Nomenclature 101, where you could get your Degree and perhaps move on to a Post-graduate Thesis, perhaps even a Fellowship ? Maybe there is a source, perhaps on the Web, that can explain the reasoning behind the choice of combining a particular colour with an imaginative description. Obviously the "namers" are highly creative and alive to current trends, but the potential purchaser of the paint must frequently puzzle over the aptness of a title and whether said title immediately calls up a specific colour image.
If I could enrol in a course such as one of the above, or have contact with a Public Relations employee of a paint firm, would I find it any easier to understand this esoteric career ? So many questions remain unanswered ! I am studying a Paint Chart to try and solve some of them.
What induced a Titler to call an anaemic pinky-grey, Wollybutt ? (Not Woollybutt which at least calls up some intriguing pictures ; but Wolybutt ?) Do they think that Koonunga will make me see a muddy dark green ? (I freely offer that name for future use -- Muddy Dark Green). Another offering is a darkish grey with a bluish tinge called Dunny Do. I'm sure you'd rush out to buy a couple cans of that, wouldn't you ? Perhaps you would prefer a flat, bland blue called Scruple -- and I never ever knew that Scruples were blue. Maybe flat Ginko, a subtle shade of black, would be your preference. Some colours on the chart do seem to have names that could be considered relevant. Red Fire is a deep red ball; it looks like a red fire-ball. I'll bet that colour selector received a rap over the knuckles at the Monthly Staff Meeting for that slip. The manager would be fuming to think that an uninitiated user could understand the link between number and name. Further errors like that could signal the end of their secret cult, and would certainly see the departure of the lack-lustre employee and a series of job offers appearing in the local paper.
Be on the lookout for Dan Brown's next book which is based on this particular phenomena. It has been tentatively titled " The Mystery Of The Bundena Blue Code & The Rainbow Connection"
If I could enrol in a course such as one of the above, or have contact with a Public Relations employee of a paint firm, would I find it any easier to understand this esoteric career ? So many questions remain unanswered ! I am studying a Paint Chart to try and solve some of them.
What induced a Titler to call an anaemic pinky-grey, Wollybutt ? (Not Woollybutt which at least calls up some intriguing pictures ; but Wolybutt ?) Do they think that Koonunga will make me see a muddy dark green ? (I freely offer that name for future use -- Muddy Dark Green). Another offering is a darkish grey with a bluish tinge called Dunny Do. I'm sure you'd rush out to buy a couple cans of that, wouldn't you ? Perhaps you would prefer a flat, bland blue called Scruple -- and I never ever knew that Scruples were blue. Maybe flat Ginko, a subtle shade of black, would be your preference. Some colours on the chart do seem to have names that could be considered relevant. Red Fire is a deep red ball; it looks like a red fire-ball. I'll bet that colour selector received a rap over the knuckles at the Monthly Staff Meeting for that slip. The manager would be fuming to think that an uninitiated user could understand the link between number and name. Further errors like that could signal the end of their secret cult, and would certainly see the departure of the lack-lustre employee and a series of job offers appearing in the local paper.
Be on the lookout for Dan Brown's next book which is based on this particular phenomena. It has been tentatively titled " The Mystery Of The Bundena Blue Code & The Rainbow Connection"
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Famous Friends
Some aspects of human nature seem to be common throught the world. One of these is the tendency to become excited when links, no matter how tenuous, with someone famous,or even notorious, are discovered. Such an interesting case has recently come to our notice.
The spelling of surnames varied quite considerably through the years, especially around the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries. Various branches of a family would finally settle on a particular form. Some people used several different spellings for their name at different times. The Okey family is one good example, using Okey, Oakey, O'Key, Oke and Okes. Similarly, the Beadles also developed several ways of spelling their name. One of these was Bedell which eventually became strong around Kent, and was exported to America. This has been a long-winded approach to the reason why Mrs Wordsmith is seriously considering taking out American citizenship.
In 1860 a little Bedell girl from New York State wrote the following letter ....
Hon A B Lincoln
Oct. 15, 1860
Dear Sir
My father has just home from the fair and brought home your picture and Mr.Hamlin's. I am a little girl only eleven years old, but want you should be President of the United States very much so I hope you wont think me very bold to write to such a great man as you are. Have you any little girls about as I am if so give them my love and tell them to write to me if you cannot answer this letter. I have got 4 brother's and part of them will vote for you any way and if you let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you you would look a great deal better for your face is so thin. All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husband's to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you to but I will try and get every one to vote for you that I can I think that rail fence around your picture makes it look very pretty I have got a baby sister she is nine weeks old and is just as cunning as can be. When you direct your letter dirct to Grace Bedell Westfield Chataque County New York
I must not write any more answer this letter right off Goodbye
Grace Bedell
Four days later, Lincoln replied. Manners and the postal service were obviously better in those days.
Springfield,Ill., Oct 19, 1860
Miss Grace Bedell
My dear little Miss,
Your very agreeable letter of the 15th is received. I regret the necessity of saying I have no daughters. I have three sons -- one seventeen, one nine, and one seven years of age. They, with their mother, constitute my whole family. As to the whiskers, having never worn any, do you think people would call it a piece of silly affection if I were to begin right now ?
Your very sincere well-wisher
A. Lincoln
Eventually Lincoln did grow a beard of sorts. Whether this influenced his popularity, we will never know. Did Grace Bedell change the history of the United States and the world ? Wouldn't it be lovely to think you had some relationship with this bright little girl ?
The spelling of surnames varied quite considerably through the years, especially around the Sixteenth and Seventeenth Centuries. Various branches of a family would finally settle on a particular form. Some people used several different spellings for their name at different times. The Okey family is one good example, using Okey, Oakey, O'Key, Oke and Okes. Similarly, the Beadles also developed several ways of spelling their name. One of these was Bedell which eventually became strong around Kent, and was exported to America. This has been a long-winded approach to the reason why Mrs Wordsmith is seriously considering taking out American citizenship.
In 1860 a little Bedell girl from New York State wrote the following letter ....
Hon A B Lincoln
Oct. 15, 1860
Dear Sir
My father has just home from the fair and brought home your picture and Mr.Hamlin's. I am a little girl only eleven years old, but want you should be President of the United States very much so I hope you wont think me very bold to write to such a great man as you are. Have you any little girls about as I am if so give them my love and tell them to write to me if you cannot answer this letter. I have got 4 brother's and part of them will vote for you any way and if you let your whiskers grow I will try and get the rest of them to vote for you you would look a great deal better for your face is so thin. All the ladies like whiskers and they would tease their husband's to vote for you and then you would be President. My father is going to vote for you and if I was a man I would vote for you to but I will try and get every one to vote for you that I can I think that rail fence around your picture makes it look very pretty I have got a baby sister she is nine weeks old and is just as cunning as can be. When you direct your letter dirct to Grace Bedell Westfield Chataque County New York
I must not write any more answer this letter right off Goodbye
Grace Bedell
Four days later, Lincoln replied. Manners and the postal service were obviously better in those days.
Springfield,Ill., Oct 19, 1860
Miss Grace Bedell
My dear little Miss,
Your very agreeable letter of the 15th is received. I regret the necessity of saying I have no daughters. I have three sons -- one seventeen, one nine, and one seven years of age. They, with their mother, constitute my whole family. As to the whiskers, having never worn any, do you think people would call it a piece of silly affection if I were to begin right now ?
Your very sincere well-wisher
A. Lincoln
Eventually Lincoln did grow a beard of sorts. Whether this influenced his popularity, we will never know. Did Grace Bedell change the history of the United States and the world ? Wouldn't it be lovely to think you had some relationship with this bright little girl ?
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The Burrowing Beadles
While researching to find more information about the Okey Clan, I discovered a few more names to add to the list; (an extra 19 names, including children). We knew already that Mrs Wordsmith's great-great grandfather, John Sharp OKEY, married Elizabeth BEADLE. We also were aware of her father and grandfather (great-great-great grandfather Thomas BEADLE, b 1815; and great-great-great-great grandfather John BEADLE, b. 1788). I am pleased to add great-great-great-great-great grandfather Joseph BEADLE, b. 1757, his wife Nancy WALTON and 8 more kids, including John; and great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather, another John b. 1722, and half-a-dozen kids including Joseph. The BEADLE name and its numerous variations appears to have originated in Yorkshire, and nearby Middleton-in-Teesdale, Durham became a stronghold of Beadles for many generations. It seems that most of them were miners in the lead, coal and ironstone mines. Both John Jnr and his dad Joseph married women from the WALTON family.
BEADLE is an interesting name. A beadle was originally a minor parish official in the Church of England who acted as an usher and kept order as a constable. One interesting beadle in literature was Mr Bumble the poor-house supervisor in Charles Dickens' "Oliver Twist". Beadles settled in America as early as 1608 before the "Mayflower" arrived. A later real-life character was George Wells BEADLE, an American, who shared the Nobel Prize for his work in Genetics. We have no evidence that Mrs W. is directly related to any of these literary or foreign characters.
BEADLE is an interesting name. A beadle was originally a minor parish official in the Church of England who acted as an usher and kept order as a constable. One interesting beadle in literature was Mr Bumble the poor-house supervisor in Charles Dickens' "Oliver Twist". Beadles settled in America as early as 1608 before the "Mayflower" arrived. A later real-life character was George Wells BEADLE, an American, who shared the Nobel Prize for his work in Genetics. We have no evidence that Mrs W. is directly related to any of these literary or foreign characters.
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