One should be careful never to criticise or underestimate a woman. After yesterday's critique of Cyclone Olga's performance, she felt compelled to offer a reminder of her technique and capacity. After crossing the coast at Karumba, insteady of fading into the customary steady, rainy Low, she joined forces with the bottom edge of a monsoon trough and seems intent on giving the whole of coastal and central Queensland a good drenching accompanied by strong, gusty winds. They blew all night and show no signs of abating today. I withdraw all recommendations to the Weather Bureau and agree that they should continue with their current system.
We had intended to travel to Malanda this morning, a distance of about 16 km each way. On the last Sunday of each month, the Malanda Cancer Support Group meets in the local Tennis Clubhouse (shed ?), to provide social contact for people (male & female) who are currently being treated for cancer, who are in recovery, or who have recovered. Partners and support persons also make up the group who maintain a positive but realistic attitude towards this disease. Because of the strength and persistence of the elderly Olga, (Woops ! Be careful !), we felt it would be safer to remain home today and resume contact again at the end of February, (Weather permitting).
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Cyclone Nomenclature
About a week ago, Cyclone "Olga" hurried in from the Coral Sea and crossed the coast in the Port Douglas - Cooktown area without too much fuss. Then she ran quickly across the Peninsula, idled around for a couple of days in the Gulf and reformed to move on to land at Kurumba. Again there was little serious damage created. If this kind of cyclonic attitude persists, people are going to lose all respect for the phenomena. I think a lot of the problem is caused by the Weather Bureau's naming procedures. Currently, they move through the Alphabet, alternating male and female names. Obviously some letters are causing difficulties, and the selected names are lacking a little in oomph. Well, who's going to be scared of a cyclone called "Neville" or even "Olga". The latter is foreign and a little exotic, but really was too much of a lady.
Cyclone naming needs rethinking, especially with regard to categories from which the names are chosen. Forget names of people ! What about using prehistoric creatures ? For instance, Cyclone "Tyrannosaurus Rex" or Cyclone "Muttaburrasaurus". Now, they would make people sit up and take some notice. Even if "Olga" had been called "Olgasaurus", I'm sure she would have been a little more enthusiastic. But if a scientific category seems a little high-brow, and people's names are preferred, what about looking at old TV programs. Something like "The Addams Family" could provide Cyclone "Gomez", Cyclone "Morticia" or Cyclone "Pugsley". Try ignoring them ! Selection would still have to be done thoughtfully. Cyclone "Cousin It" might be a hairy little fellow but it's hard to see him creating any real panic.
The Weather Bureau needs to employ more divergent thinkers. They need to look outside the square, or perhaps the circle in this case. There are so many TV shows and Movies that would provide inspirational names and give cyclones some street credibility. It's now in the hands of the bureaucracy.
Cyclone naming needs rethinking, especially with regard to categories from which the names are chosen. Forget names of people ! What about using prehistoric creatures ? For instance, Cyclone "Tyrannosaurus Rex" or Cyclone "Muttaburrasaurus". Now, they would make people sit up and take some notice. Even if "Olga" had been called "Olgasaurus", I'm sure she would have been a little more enthusiastic. But if a scientific category seems a little high-brow, and people's names are preferred, what about looking at old TV programs. Something like "The Addams Family" could provide Cyclone "Gomez", Cyclone "Morticia" or Cyclone "Pugsley". Try ignoring them ! Selection would still have to be done thoughtfully. Cyclone "Cousin It" might be a hairy little fellow but it's hard to see him creating any real panic.
The Weather Bureau needs to employ more divergent thinkers. They need to look outside the square, or perhaps the circle in this case. There are so many TV shows and Movies that would provide inspirational names and give cyclones some street credibility. It's now in the hands of the bureaucracy.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Books, Books, Books
When I was a lad I lived in a lower middle-class home that contained love, respect, discipline, humour and a regard for educational values. Though money was often scarce, there was little in life that made us feel deprived. We were adequately fed, suitably clothed and encouraged to " look good " when leaving the house, and we lived in comfortable, clean surroundings.
Yet, like so many homes at that time, there was one singular omission. There was not one bookcase or book shelf in the place. Books were valued, but were rarely purchased, probably because there were other " more important " calls upon a limited purse. A Christmas present of a book became an exciting, valued treasure.
One of the few permanent book inhabitants was a thick, well-worn tome called Pears Encyclopaedia, a single volume -- unlike the multi-volumed sets which were produced in later years to grace the shelves of many homes, perhaps to be read, perhaps not. Pears was a soap manufacturer and the book may have been a cheaply priced advertising vehicle. I remember many evenings spent lying on the floor absorbing all the exotic knowledge packed into this drab looking but magical book. I needed to be persuaded to do homework, but willingly immersed myself in Pears. Its print was small and tightly crammed on the page, allowing lots of information to be squeezed between its collapsing covers. Pictures were rare, but there were lots of maps, tables and graphs to break the text. And what information there was in the text ! Every reading meant a new discovery. History and Geography seemed to hold a prominent place, but there was also Literature, Grammar, Mythology, Science and Mathematics ; a miniature university.
Maybe this smorgasbord of information was the genesis for my still strong obsession with collecting and enjoying all kinds of valuable and valueless snippets of information. That's my excuse, at any rate. A lifetime of pleasure has developed from Pears and a few other books into the thousands of volumes that have accompanied me through the years, hundreds of which at any time threatened to overwhelm me with stolen space in most rooms of the house. Some people are lucky !
Yet, like so many homes at that time, there was one singular omission. There was not one bookcase or book shelf in the place. Books were valued, but were rarely purchased, probably because there were other " more important " calls upon a limited purse. A Christmas present of a book became an exciting, valued treasure.
One of the few permanent book inhabitants was a thick, well-worn tome called Pears Encyclopaedia, a single volume -- unlike the multi-volumed sets which were produced in later years to grace the shelves of many homes, perhaps to be read, perhaps not. Pears was a soap manufacturer and the book may have been a cheaply priced advertising vehicle. I remember many evenings spent lying on the floor absorbing all the exotic knowledge packed into this drab looking but magical book. I needed to be persuaded to do homework, but willingly immersed myself in Pears. Its print was small and tightly crammed on the page, allowing lots of information to be squeezed between its collapsing covers. Pictures were rare, but there were lots of maps, tables and graphs to break the text. And what information there was in the text ! Every reading meant a new discovery. History and Geography seemed to hold a prominent place, but there was also Literature, Grammar, Mythology, Science and Mathematics ; a miniature university.
Maybe this smorgasbord of information was the genesis for my still strong obsession with collecting and enjoying all kinds of valuable and valueless snippets of information. That's my excuse, at any rate. A lifetime of pleasure has developed from Pears and a few other books into the thousands of volumes that have accompanied me through the years, hundreds of which at any time threatened to overwhelm me with stolen space in most rooms of the house. Some people are lucky !
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Culture Corner --- Saturday Night Movies
As I search the "TV Times" to find a decent movie to watch on Saturday evenings, I am overwhelmed by repeats of repeats of old movies, most of which seem to feature John Wayne. The programmers have obviously become very lazy, taking the easy, cheap way to fill in a time slot. They must do better !
Once, in the long gone 1950's to 1970's, there was a group which was inspired by the Oscar and Tony presentations. They began giving an award called "The Golden Turkey" for the year's worst Hollywood Films. Here is a really great missed opportunity to win back viewers who would certainly prefer the abysmal mediocrity of these productions to the interminable regurgitation of movies that should be worn out by now from over-use. Who could resist these samples of 1960's award winners ?
1960 ... Cinderfella. (Jerry Lewis in the title role. Enough said !)
1961 ... Snow White & The Three Stooges. (A brilliant concept !)
1962 ... Reptilicus. (Denmark's answer to Godzilla)
1963 ... Blood Feast. ( Caterer serves human limbs and organs. Lacks taste !)
1964 ... Attack of the Mushroom People (aka Matango -- The Fungus of Terror
Worst Vegetable Movie of All Time )
... The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up
Zombies. (A Musical Monster Film )
1965 ... Invasion of the Star Creatures. ( Extra-terrestrial carrot-creatures. One of the least
horrifying horror films ever made )
... Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster. (A confusing cast of badly made-up midget
monsters)
1966 ... The Navy Versus The Night Monsters. ( Melodrama about Killer Tree-stumps in
Antarctica)
1967 ... Reflections In a Golden Eye. ( Arty soft-focus fiasco )
1968 ... Boom ! ( Tennessee Williams "The Milkman Doesn't Stop Here Any More" totally
destroyed by Liz-n-Dick)
1969 ... Can Hieronymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humpe and Find True Happiness ?
(Film is even more pointless and confusing than the title)
I rest my case !! Who wouldn't prefer one of these to the current sleep-inducing bores ?
Once, in the long gone 1950's to 1970's, there was a group which was inspired by the Oscar and Tony presentations. They began giving an award called "The Golden Turkey" for the year's worst Hollywood Films. Here is a really great missed opportunity to win back viewers who would certainly prefer the abysmal mediocrity of these productions to the interminable regurgitation of movies that should be worn out by now from over-use. Who could resist these samples of 1960's award winners ?
1960 ... Cinderfella. (Jerry Lewis in the title role. Enough said !)
1961 ... Snow White & The Three Stooges. (A brilliant concept !)
1962 ... Reptilicus. (Denmark's answer to Godzilla)
1963 ... Blood Feast. ( Caterer serves human limbs and organs. Lacks taste !)
1964 ... Attack of the Mushroom People (aka Matango -- The Fungus of Terror
Worst Vegetable Movie of All Time )
... The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up
Zombies. (A Musical Monster Film )
1965 ... Invasion of the Star Creatures. ( Extra-terrestrial carrot-creatures. One of the least
horrifying horror films ever made )
... Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster. (A confusing cast of badly made-up midget
monsters)
1966 ... The Navy Versus The Night Monsters. ( Melodrama about Killer Tree-stumps in
Antarctica)
1967 ... Reflections In a Golden Eye. ( Arty soft-focus fiasco )
1968 ... Boom ! ( Tennessee Williams "The Milkman Doesn't Stop Here Any More" totally
destroyed by Liz-n-Dick)
1969 ... Can Hieronymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humpe and Find True Happiness ?
(Film is even more pointless and confusing than the title)
I rest my case !! Who wouldn't prefer one of these to the current sleep-inducing bores ?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Educational Innovations 2
Following on from yesterday's blog, further educational courses are offered ;
3. The Atherton Anti-signalling Association Remedial Course : This association is only a local rural group, but they have produced some attractive Seminars and Retreats. They have organized several sub-groups throughout the state. Having noticed that there has been a severe escalation of good manners from district drivers recently, the Association has offered this remedial short-term course. Many drivers felt that a lot of the fun of driving has been diminished by this adherence to the rules, and accident avoidance skills have diminished. Next term's lessons will remind vehicle operators to leave signalling until the very last moment, or better still, to avoid all instances of letting other vehicle owners know what manoeuvres you may be about to attempt. An Advanced Certificate may be obtained and displayed prominently on the windscreen once the reacquired skills are exhibited. Honours will be awarded if frequent mobile phones are used while in motion.
4. Anti-Privacy Campaigners' Course. (External Only, from Tel-all Communications.) Only people with their own mobile phones and an exciting lifestyle need apply. The Course involves a lot of shouting about inconsequential happenings to you, your family, and friends. Entrants will be taught how to avoid any instance of community consideration, with emphasis given to public venue performance. Doctors' Surgeries, theatres and churches will receive special attention over and above the usual Shopping Centre, Restaurant and public vehicle showcasing. Extra stars will be added to the Graduation Certificate for those who install a very loud, " humorous " dial tone.
All applications close on Australia Day 2010.
3. The Atherton Anti-signalling Association Remedial Course : This association is only a local rural group, but they have produced some attractive Seminars and Retreats. They have organized several sub-groups throughout the state. Having noticed that there has been a severe escalation of good manners from district drivers recently, the Association has offered this remedial short-term course. Many drivers felt that a lot of the fun of driving has been diminished by this adherence to the rules, and accident avoidance skills have diminished. Next term's lessons will remind vehicle operators to leave signalling until the very last moment, or better still, to avoid all instances of letting other vehicle owners know what manoeuvres you may be about to attempt. An Advanced Certificate may be obtained and displayed prominently on the windscreen once the reacquired skills are exhibited. Honours will be awarded if frequent mobile phones are used while in motion.
4. Anti-Privacy Campaigners' Course. (External Only, from Tel-all Communications.) Only people with their own mobile phones and an exciting lifestyle need apply. The Course involves a lot of shouting about inconsequential happenings to you, your family, and friends. Entrants will be taught how to avoid any instance of community consideration, with emphasis given to public venue performance. Doctors' Surgeries, theatres and churches will receive special attention over and above the usual Shopping Centre, Restaurant and public vehicle showcasing. Extra stars will be added to the Graduation Certificate for those who install a very loud, " humorous " dial tone.
All applications close on Australia Day 2010.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Education Innovation
It is apparent that there is a current thrust to overcome deficiencies in our education system. The following areas are considered to need extra attention, and it is to be hoped that Federal Funding will be forthcoming, especially in an Election Year.
1. Greengrocers' Billboard Academies : Several fruit shops have recently gone bankrupt because they have ignored the basic rules of billboard advertising. Extra money is needed for certification in two sections of this skilled profession . The first is Rule 1 which states "All words ending in 's' must have an apostrophe shoved in before the 's' irrespective of its number or possessive intent." If this skill can be accompanied by Rule 2 , (" A Notice will lack impact unless attention can be attracted with an incorrectly spelt word ."), vegetable sales should increase dramatically to the benefit of the National Economy.
2. TV Advertising Traineeships : There has been a noticeable falling-off of quality in announcers' advertising skills, although a few islands of mediocrity remain on Channels 9 and 10. Applicants for these traineeships must be prepared to practise assiduously in the following departments; Advertising 101 -- Shouting loudly, especially when promoting sub-standard goods. Shout ! Shout ! SHOUT !
Advertising 201 -- This is an advanced course where Shouting ! is accompanied by a high-pitched "funny" voice. This is guaranteed to attract positive attention.
Advertising 301 -- This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. Every time a listener thinks that the long advertisement is ended, the whole rigmarole must be repeated, and repeated, ....
An extra Diploma will be awarded to students who can instill a sense of urgency by shouting "Hurry ! " as often as possible. Reluctant applicants for this course are reminded that several advertising announcers have been forced to resign recently because they repeated ads only three times, rather than more frequently. Everyone Needs This Course ! Hurry ! Last Days for Enrolment ! Offer Never To Be Repeated !
Applicaton Advice for other Courses will be available in the next edition of this bulletin.
1. Greengrocers' Billboard Academies : Several fruit shops have recently gone bankrupt because they have ignored the basic rules of billboard advertising. Extra money is needed for certification in two sections of this skilled profession . The first is Rule 1 which states "All words ending in 's' must have an apostrophe shoved in before the 's' irrespective of its number or possessive intent." If this skill can be accompanied by Rule 2 , (" A Notice will lack impact unless attention can be attracted with an incorrectly spelt word ."), vegetable sales should increase dramatically to the benefit of the National Economy.
2. TV Advertising Traineeships : There has been a noticeable falling-off of quality in announcers' advertising skills, although a few islands of mediocrity remain on Channels 9 and 10. Applicants for these traineeships must be prepared to practise assiduously in the following departments; Advertising 101 -- Shouting loudly, especially when promoting sub-standard goods. Shout ! Shout ! SHOUT !
Advertising 201 -- This is an advanced course where Shouting ! is accompanied by a high-pitched "funny" voice. This is guaranteed to attract positive attention.
Advertising 301 -- This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. Every time a listener thinks that the long advertisement is ended, the whole rigmarole must be repeated, and repeated, ....
An extra Diploma will be awarded to students who can instill a sense of urgency by shouting "Hurry ! " as often as possible. Reluctant applicants for this course are reminded that several advertising announcers have been forced to resign recently because they repeated ads only three times, rather than more frequently. Everyone Needs This Course ! Hurry ! Last Days for Enrolment ! Offer Never To Be Repeated !
Applicaton Advice for other Courses will be available in the next edition of this bulletin.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Poetic Inspiration
While thinking about my bloggish nom-de-plume, I noticed the following small coincidence. I think that I must have been influenced by some psychic phenomena. Please note the significance of the poets William WORDsworth and Oliver GoldSMITH. Incredible ! I am quite happy to accept this remarkable synchronicity since I have a great respect for both men. Wordsworth was a great creator of sonnets and poems which dwelt on Nature, Love and other relationships. Anyone who has read his poetry must have been moved by his poem about Daffodils, "I wandered lonely as a cloud".
Goldsmith was a master of the Epigram and a poetic critic of social inequalities, such as the death of rural villages caused by the Inclusion Acts of the 18th and 19th Centuries. Probably my favourite of his works is "The Deserted Village. A Poem", probably because I can relate to his creation, the village schoolmaster. As I re-read it, I cringe a little as I feel some of his comments striking a little close to home, especially when I remember my early days of teaching. I'll have to pretend that his more positive, appreciative passages are more relevant to my village work. This verse shows a slightly different feeling for educators than those expressed by G.B.S.
Beside yon straggling fence that skirts the way,
With blossom'd furze unprofitably gay,
There, in his noisy mansion, skill'd to rule,
The village master taught his little school.
A man severe he was, and stern to view;
I knew him well, and every truant knew;
Well had the boding tremblers learned to trace
The day's disasters in his morning face;
Full well they laugh'd with counterfeited glee
At all his jokes, for many a joke had he;
Full well the busy whisper circling round
Convey'd the dismal tidings when he frown'd.
Yet he was kind, or, if severe in aught,
The love he bore to learning was in fault;
The village all declar'd how much he knew;
'Twas certain he could write, and cypher too:
Lands he could measure, terms and tides presage,
And ev'n the story ran that he could gauge.
In arguing, too, the parson own'd his skill
For ev'n though vanquish'd, he could argue still;
While words of learned length and thundering sound
Amazed the gazing rustics rang'd around;
And still they gaz'd, and still the wonder grew,
That one small head could carry all he knew.
Goldsmith was a master of the Epigram and a poetic critic of social inequalities, such as the death of rural villages caused by the Inclusion Acts of the 18th and 19th Centuries. Probably my favourite of his works is "The Deserted Village. A Poem", probably because I can relate to his creation, the village schoolmaster. As I re-read it, I cringe a little as I feel some of his comments striking a little close to home, especially when I remember my early days of teaching. I'll have to pretend that his more positive, appreciative passages are more relevant to my village work. This verse shows a slightly different feeling for educators than those expressed by G.B.S.
Beside yon straggling fence that skirts the way,
With blossom'd furze unprofitably gay,
There, in his noisy mansion, skill'd to rule,
The village master taught his little school.
A man severe he was, and stern to view;
I knew him well, and every truant knew;
Well had the boding tremblers learned to trace
The day's disasters in his morning face;
Full well they laugh'd with counterfeited glee
At all his jokes, for many a joke had he;
Full well the busy whisper circling round
Convey'd the dismal tidings when he frown'd.
Yet he was kind, or, if severe in aught,
The love he bore to learning was in fault;
The village all declar'd how much he knew;
'Twas certain he could write, and cypher too:
Lands he could measure, terms and tides presage,
And ev'n the story ran that he could gauge.
In arguing, too, the parson own'd his skill
For ev'n though vanquish'd, he could argue still;
While words of learned length and thundering sound
Amazed the gazing rustics rang'd around;
And still they gaz'd, and still the wonder grew,
That one small head could carry all he knew.
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