One should be careful never to criticise or underestimate a woman. After yesterday's critique of Cyclone Olga's performance, she felt compelled to offer a reminder of her technique and capacity. After crossing the coast at Karumba, insteady of fading into the customary steady, rainy Low, she joined forces with the bottom edge of a monsoon trough and seems intent on giving the whole of coastal and central Queensland a good drenching accompanied by strong, gusty winds. They blew all night and show no signs of abating today. I withdraw all recommendations to the Weather Bureau and agree that they should continue with their current system.
We had intended to travel to Malanda this morning, a distance of about 16 km each way. On the last Sunday of each month, the Malanda Cancer Support Group meets in the local Tennis Clubhouse (shed ?), to provide social contact for people (male & female) who are currently being treated for cancer, who are in recovery, or who have recovered. Partners and support persons also make up the group who maintain a positive but realistic attitude towards this disease. Because of the strength and persistence of the elderly Olga, (Woops ! Be careful !), we felt it would be safer to remain home today and resume contact again at the end of February, (Weather permitting).
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Cyclone Nomenclature
About a week ago, Cyclone "Olga" hurried in from the Coral Sea and crossed the coast in the Port Douglas - Cooktown area without too much fuss. Then she ran quickly across the Peninsula, idled around for a couple of days in the Gulf and reformed to move on to land at Kurumba. Again there was little serious damage created. If this kind of cyclonic attitude persists, people are going to lose all respect for the phenomena. I think a lot of the problem is caused by the Weather Bureau's naming procedures. Currently, they move through the Alphabet, alternating male and female names. Obviously some letters are causing difficulties, and the selected names are lacking a little in oomph. Well, who's going to be scared of a cyclone called "Neville" or even "Olga". The latter is foreign and a little exotic, but really was too much of a lady.
Cyclone naming needs rethinking, especially with regard to categories from which the names are chosen. Forget names of people ! What about using prehistoric creatures ? For instance, Cyclone "Tyrannosaurus Rex" or Cyclone "Muttaburrasaurus". Now, they would make people sit up and take some notice. Even if "Olga" had been called "Olgasaurus", I'm sure she would have been a little more enthusiastic. But if a scientific category seems a little high-brow, and people's names are preferred, what about looking at old TV programs. Something like "The Addams Family" could provide Cyclone "Gomez", Cyclone "Morticia" or Cyclone "Pugsley". Try ignoring them ! Selection would still have to be done thoughtfully. Cyclone "Cousin It" might be a hairy little fellow but it's hard to see him creating any real panic.
The Weather Bureau needs to employ more divergent thinkers. They need to look outside the square, or perhaps the circle in this case. There are so many TV shows and Movies that would provide inspirational names and give cyclones some street credibility. It's now in the hands of the bureaucracy.
Cyclone naming needs rethinking, especially with regard to categories from which the names are chosen. Forget names of people ! What about using prehistoric creatures ? For instance, Cyclone "Tyrannosaurus Rex" or Cyclone "Muttaburrasaurus". Now, they would make people sit up and take some notice. Even if "Olga" had been called "Olgasaurus", I'm sure she would have been a little more enthusiastic. But if a scientific category seems a little high-brow, and people's names are preferred, what about looking at old TV programs. Something like "The Addams Family" could provide Cyclone "Gomez", Cyclone "Morticia" or Cyclone "Pugsley". Try ignoring them ! Selection would still have to be done thoughtfully. Cyclone "Cousin It" might be a hairy little fellow but it's hard to see him creating any real panic.
The Weather Bureau needs to employ more divergent thinkers. They need to look outside the square, or perhaps the circle in this case. There are so many TV shows and Movies that would provide inspirational names and give cyclones some street credibility. It's now in the hands of the bureaucracy.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Books, Books, Books
When I was a lad I lived in a lower middle-class home that contained love, respect, discipline, humour and a regard for educational values. Though money was often scarce, there was little in life that made us feel deprived. We were adequately fed, suitably clothed and encouraged to " look good " when leaving the house, and we lived in comfortable, clean surroundings.
Yet, like so many homes at that time, there was one singular omission. There was not one bookcase or book shelf in the place. Books were valued, but were rarely purchased, probably because there were other " more important " calls upon a limited purse. A Christmas present of a book became an exciting, valued treasure.
One of the few permanent book inhabitants was a thick, well-worn tome called Pears Encyclopaedia, a single volume -- unlike the multi-volumed sets which were produced in later years to grace the shelves of many homes, perhaps to be read, perhaps not. Pears was a soap manufacturer and the book may have been a cheaply priced advertising vehicle. I remember many evenings spent lying on the floor absorbing all the exotic knowledge packed into this drab looking but magical book. I needed to be persuaded to do homework, but willingly immersed myself in Pears. Its print was small and tightly crammed on the page, allowing lots of information to be squeezed between its collapsing covers. Pictures were rare, but there were lots of maps, tables and graphs to break the text. And what information there was in the text ! Every reading meant a new discovery. History and Geography seemed to hold a prominent place, but there was also Literature, Grammar, Mythology, Science and Mathematics ; a miniature university.
Maybe this smorgasbord of information was the genesis for my still strong obsession with collecting and enjoying all kinds of valuable and valueless snippets of information. That's my excuse, at any rate. A lifetime of pleasure has developed from Pears and a few other books into the thousands of volumes that have accompanied me through the years, hundreds of which at any time threatened to overwhelm me with stolen space in most rooms of the house. Some people are lucky !
Yet, like so many homes at that time, there was one singular omission. There was not one bookcase or book shelf in the place. Books were valued, but were rarely purchased, probably because there were other " more important " calls upon a limited purse. A Christmas present of a book became an exciting, valued treasure.
One of the few permanent book inhabitants was a thick, well-worn tome called Pears Encyclopaedia, a single volume -- unlike the multi-volumed sets which were produced in later years to grace the shelves of many homes, perhaps to be read, perhaps not. Pears was a soap manufacturer and the book may have been a cheaply priced advertising vehicle. I remember many evenings spent lying on the floor absorbing all the exotic knowledge packed into this drab looking but magical book. I needed to be persuaded to do homework, but willingly immersed myself in Pears. Its print was small and tightly crammed on the page, allowing lots of information to be squeezed between its collapsing covers. Pictures were rare, but there were lots of maps, tables and graphs to break the text. And what information there was in the text ! Every reading meant a new discovery. History and Geography seemed to hold a prominent place, but there was also Literature, Grammar, Mythology, Science and Mathematics ; a miniature university.
Maybe this smorgasbord of information was the genesis for my still strong obsession with collecting and enjoying all kinds of valuable and valueless snippets of information. That's my excuse, at any rate. A lifetime of pleasure has developed from Pears and a few other books into the thousands of volumes that have accompanied me through the years, hundreds of which at any time threatened to overwhelm me with stolen space in most rooms of the house. Some people are lucky !
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Culture Corner --- Saturday Night Movies
As I search the "TV Times" to find a decent movie to watch on Saturday evenings, I am overwhelmed by repeats of repeats of old movies, most of which seem to feature John Wayne. The programmers have obviously become very lazy, taking the easy, cheap way to fill in a time slot. They must do better !
Once, in the long gone 1950's to 1970's, there was a group which was inspired by the Oscar and Tony presentations. They began giving an award called "The Golden Turkey" for the year's worst Hollywood Films. Here is a really great missed opportunity to win back viewers who would certainly prefer the abysmal mediocrity of these productions to the interminable regurgitation of movies that should be worn out by now from over-use. Who could resist these samples of 1960's award winners ?
1960 ... Cinderfella. (Jerry Lewis in the title role. Enough said !)
1961 ... Snow White & The Three Stooges. (A brilliant concept !)
1962 ... Reptilicus. (Denmark's answer to Godzilla)
1963 ... Blood Feast. ( Caterer serves human limbs and organs. Lacks taste !)
1964 ... Attack of the Mushroom People (aka Matango -- The Fungus of Terror
Worst Vegetable Movie of All Time )
... The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up
Zombies. (A Musical Monster Film )
1965 ... Invasion of the Star Creatures. ( Extra-terrestrial carrot-creatures. One of the least
horrifying horror films ever made )
... Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster. (A confusing cast of badly made-up midget
monsters)
1966 ... The Navy Versus The Night Monsters. ( Melodrama about Killer Tree-stumps in
Antarctica)
1967 ... Reflections In a Golden Eye. ( Arty soft-focus fiasco )
1968 ... Boom ! ( Tennessee Williams "The Milkman Doesn't Stop Here Any More" totally
destroyed by Liz-n-Dick)
1969 ... Can Hieronymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humpe and Find True Happiness ?
(Film is even more pointless and confusing than the title)
I rest my case !! Who wouldn't prefer one of these to the current sleep-inducing bores ?
Once, in the long gone 1950's to 1970's, there was a group which was inspired by the Oscar and Tony presentations. They began giving an award called "The Golden Turkey" for the year's worst Hollywood Films. Here is a really great missed opportunity to win back viewers who would certainly prefer the abysmal mediocrity of these productions to the interminable regurgitation of movies that should be worn out by now from over-use. Who could resist these samples of 1960's award winners ?
1960 ... Cinderfella. (Jerry Lewis in the title role. Enough said !)
1961 ... Snow White & The Three Stooges. (A brilliant concept !)
1962 ... Reptilicus. (Denmark's answer to Godzilla)
1963 ... Blood Feast. ( Caterer serves human limbs and organs. Lacks taste !)
1964 ... Attack of the Mushroom People (aka Matango -- The Fungus of Terror
Worst Vegetable Movie of All Time )
... The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up
Zombies. (A Musical Monster Film )
1965 ... Invasion of the Star Creatures. ( Extra-terrestrial carrot-creatures. One of the least
horrifying horror films ever made )
... Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster. (A confusing cast of badly made-up midget
monsters)
1966 ... The Navy Versus The Night Monsters. ( Melodrama about Killer Tree-stumps in
Antarctica)
1967 ... Reflections In a Golden Eye. ( Arty soft-focus fiasco )
1968 ... Boom ! ( Tennessee Williams "The Milkman Doesn't Stop Here Any More" totally
destroyed by Liz-n-Dick)
1969 ... Can Hieronymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humpe and Find True Happiness ?
(Film is even more pointless and confusing than the title)
I rest my case !! Who wouldn't prefer one of these to the current sleep-inducing bores ?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Educational Innovations 2
Following on from yesterday's blog, further educational courses are offered ;
3. The Atherton Anti-signalling Association Remedial Course : This association is only a local rural group, but they have produced some attractive Seminars and Retreats. They have organized several sub-groups throughout the state. Having noticed that there has been a severe escalation of good manners from district drivers recently, the Association has offered this remedial short-term course. Many drivers felt that a lot of the fun of driving has been diminished by this adherence to the rules, and accident avoidance skills have diminished. Next term's lessons will remind vehicle operators to leave signalling until the very last moment, or better still, to avoid all instances of letting other vehicle owners know what manoeuvres you may be about to attempt. An Advanced Certificate may be obtained and displayed prominently on the windscreen once the reacquired skills are exhibited. Honours will be awarded if frequent mobile phones are used while in motion.
4. Anti-Privacy Campaigners' Course. (External Only, from Tel-all Communications.) Only people with their own mobile phones and an exciting lifestyle need apply. The Course involves a lot of shouting about inconsequential happenings to you, your family, and friends. Entrants will be taught how to avoid any instance of community consideration, with emphasis given to public venue performance. Doctors' Surgeries, theatres and churches will receive special attention over and above the usual Shopping Centre, Restaurant and public vehicle showcasing. Extra stars will be added to the Graduation Certificate for those who install a very loud, " humorous " dial tone.
All applications close on Australia Day 2010.
3. The Atherton Anti-signalling Association Remedial Course : This association is only a local rural group, but they have produced some attractive Seminars and Retreats. They have organized several sub-groups throughout the state. Having noticed that there has been a severe escalation of good manners from district drivers recently, the Association has offered this remedial short-term course. Many drivers felt that a lot of the fun of driving has been diminished by this adherence to the rules, and accident avoidance skills have diminished. Next term's lessons will remind vehicle operators to leave signalling until the very last moment, or better still, to avoid all instances of letting other vehicle owners know what manoeuvres you may be about to attempt. An Advanced Certificate may be obtained and displayed prominently on the windscreen once the reacquired skills are exhibited. Honours will be awarded if frequent mobile phones are used while in motion.
4. Anti-Privacy Campaigners' Course. (External Only, from Tel-all Communications.) Only people with their own mobile phones and an exciting lifestyle need apply. The Course involves a lot of shouting about inconsequential happenings to you, your family, and friends. Entrants will be taught how to avoid any instance of community consideration, with emphasis given to public venue performance. Doctors' Surgeries, theatres and churches will receive special attention over and above the usual Shopping Centre, Restaurant and public vehicle showcasing. Extra stars will be added to the Graduation Certificate for those who install a very loud, " humorous " dial tone.
All applications close on Australia Day 2010.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Education Innovation
It is apparent that there is a current thrust to overcome deficiencies in our education system. The following areas are considered to need extra attention, and it is to be hoped that Federal Funding will be forthcoming, especially in an Election Year.
1. Greengrocers' Billboard Academies : Several fruit shops have recently gone bankrupt because they have ignored the basic rules of billboard advertising. Extra money is needed for certification in two sections of this skilled profession . The first is Rule 1 which states "All words ending in 's' must have an apostrophe shoved in before the 's' irrespective of its number or possessive intent." If this skill can be accompanied by Rule 2 , (" A Notice will lack impact unless attention can be attracted with an incorrectly spelt word ."), vegetable sales should increase dramatically to the benefit of the National Economy.
2. TV Advertising Traineeships : There has been a noticeable falling-off of quality in announcers' advertising skills, although a few islands of mediocrity remain on Channels 9 and 10. Applicants for these traineeships must be prepared to practise assiduously in the following departments; Advertising 101 -- Shouting loudly, especially when promoting sub-standard goods. Shout ! Shout ! SHOUT !
Advertising 201 -- This is an advanced course where Shouting ! is accompanied by a high-pitched "funny" voice. This is guaranteed to attract positive attention.
Advertising 301 -- This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. Every time a listener thinks that the long advertisement is ended, the whole rigmarole must be repeated, and repeated, ....
An extra Diploma will be awarded to students who can instill a sense of urgency by shouting "Hurry ! " as often as possible. Reluctant applicants for this course are reminded that several advertising announcers have been forced to resign recently because they repeated ads only three times, rather than more frequently. Everyone Needs This Course ! Hurry ! Last Days for Enrolment ! Offer Never To Be Repeated !
Applicaton Advice for other Courses will be available in the next edition of this bulletin.
1. Greengrocers' Billboard Academies : Several fruit shops have recently gone bankrupt because they have ignored the basic rules of billboard advertising. Extra money is needed for certification in two sections of this skilled profession . The first is Rule 1 which states "All words ending in 's' must have an apostrophe shoved in before the 's' irrespective of its number or possessive intent." If this skill can be accompanied by Rule 2 , (" A Notice will lack impact unless attention can be attracted with an incorrectly spelt word ."), vegetable sales should increase dramatically to the benefit of the National Economy.
2. TV Advertising Traineeships : There has been a noticeable falling-off of quality in announcers' advertising skills, although a few islands of mediocrity remain on Channels 9 and 10. Applicants for these traineeships must be prepared to practise assiduously in the following departments; Advertising 101 -- Shouting loudly, especially when promoting sub-standard goods. Shout ! Shout ! SHOUT !
Advertising 201 -- This is an advanced course where Shouting ! is accompanied by a high-pitched "funny" voice. This is guaranteed to attract positive attention.
Advertising 301 -- This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. Every time a listener thinks that the long advertisement is ended, the whole rigmarole must be repeated, and repeated, ....
An extra Diploma will be awarded to students who can instill a sense of urgency by shouting "Hurry ! " as often as possible. Reluctant applicants for this course are reminded that several advertising announcers have been forced to resign recently because they repeated ads only three times, rather than more frequently. Everyone Needs This Course ! Hurry ! Last Days for Enrolment ! Offer Never To Be Repeated !
Applicaton Advice for other Courses will be available in the next edition of this bulletin.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Poetic Inspiration
While thinking about my bloggish nom-de-plume, I noticed the following small coincidence. I think that I must have been influenced by some psychic phenomena. Please note the significance of the poets William WORDsworth and Oliver GoldSMITH. Incredible ! I am quite happy to accept this remarkable synchronicity since I have a great respect for both men. Wordsworth was a great creator of sonnets and poems which dwelt on Nature, Love and other relationships. Anyone who has read his poetry must have been moved by his poem about Daffodils, "I wandered lonely as a cloud".
Goldsmith was a master of the Epigram and a poetic critic of social inequalities, such as the death of rural villages caused by the Inclusion Acts of the 18th and 19th Centuries. Probably my favourite of his works is "The Deserted Village. A Poem", probably because I can relate to his creation, the village schoolmaster. As I re-read it, I cringe a little as I feel some of his comments striking a little close to home, especially when I remember my early days of teaching. I'll have to pretend that his more positive, appreciative passages are more relevant to my village work. This verse shows a slightly different feeling for educators than those expressed by G.B.S.
Beside yon straggling fence that skirts the way,
With blossom'd furze unprofitably gay,
There, in his noisy mansion, skill'd to rule,
The village master taught his little school.
A man severe he was, and stern to view;
I knew him well, and every truant knew;
Well had the boding tremblers learned to trace
The day's disasters in his morning face;
Full well they laugh'd with counterfeited glee
At all his jokes, for many a joke had he;
Full well the busy whisper circling round
Convey'd the dismal tidings when he frown'd.
Yet he was kind, or, if severe in aught,
The love he bore to learning was in fault;
The village all declar'd how much he knew;
'Twas certain he could write, and cypher too:
Lands he could measure, terms and tides presage,
And ev'n the story ran that he could gauge.
In arguing, too, the parson own'd his skill
For ev'n though vanquish'd, he could argue still;
While words of learned length and thundering sound
Amazed the gazing rustics rang'd around;
And still they gaz'd, and still the wonder grew,
That one small head could carry all he knew.
Goldsmith was a master of the Epigram and a poetic critic of social inequalities, such as the death of rural villages caused by the Inclusion Acts of the 18th and 19th Centuries. Probably my favourite of his works is "The Deserted Village. A Poem", probably because I can relate to his creation, the village schoolmaster. As I re-read it, I cringe a little as I feel some of his comments striking a little close to home, especially when I remember my early days of teaching. I'll have to pretend that his more positive, appreciative passages are more relevant to my village work. This verse shows a slightly different feeling for educators than those expressed by G.B.S.
Beside yon straggling fence that skirts the way,
With blossom'd furze unprofitably gay,
There, in his noisy mansion, skill'd to rule,
The village master taught his little school.
A man severe he was, and stern to view;
I knew him well, and every truant knew;
Well had the boding tremblers learned to trace
The day's disasters in his morning face;
Full well they laugh'd with counterfeited glee
At all his jokes, for many a joke had he;
Full well the busy whisper circling round
Convey'd the dismal tidings when he frown'd.
Yet he was kind, or, if severe in aught,
The love he bore to learning was in fault;
The village all declar'd how much he knew;
'Twas certain he could write, and cypher too:
Lands he could measure, terms and tides presage,
And ev'n the story ran that he could gauge.
In arguing, too, the parson own'd his skill
For ev'n though vanquish'd, he could argue still;
While words of learned length and thundering sound
Amazed the gazing rustics rang'd around;
And still they gaz'd, and still the wonder grew,
That one small head could carry all he knew.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Shavian Scraps
Word is filtering along the grapevine in the market-place that Michael the Bush Arranger is being tempted by the Thespian call once again. He is considering a role in "My Fair Lady", a musical which the cognoscenti are aware was painfully extracted from George Bernard Shaw's play "Pygmalion" . Shaw, an irascible Irish wit, was a master of the subtlety of Language and was a caustic observer of the foibles of Society. It is to be hoped that the players will do justice to his words as they sing and dance, taking the advice offered to Eliza by Professor Higgins.
" Remember that you are a human being with a soul and the divine gift of articulate speech; that your native language is the language of Shakespeare and Milton and the Bible; and don't sit crooning like a bilious pigeon. "
Although they may strenuously deny it, authors' characters frequently mirror the attitudes and beliefs of their creators. In "Man and Superman" , Shaw says, "Hell is full of musical amateurs; music is the brandy of the damned". I wonder what he would have thought of "My Fair Lady" ?
Another of his statements may answer that question. "If Pygmalion is not good enough for your friends with its own verbal music, their talent must be altogether extraordinary ".
I like Shaw, but have one major concern. He gave ammunition to the Philistines when he wrote " He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches ". I suppose if I look at it long enough, I may be able to squeeze a compliment out of that, but I don't really think so.
" Remember that you are a human being with a soul and the divine gift of articulate speech; that your native language is the language of Shakespeare and Milton and the Bible; and don't sit crooning like a bilious pigeon. "
Although they may strenuously deny it, authors' characters frequently mirror the attitudes and beliefs of their creators. In "Man and Superman" , Shaw says, "Hell is full of musical amateurs; music is the brandy of the damned". I wonder what he would have thought of "My Fair Lady" ?
Another of his statements may answer that question. "If Pygmalion is not good enough for your friends with its own verbal music, their talent must be altogether extraordinary ".
I like Shaw, but have one major concern. He gave ammunition to the Philistines when he wrote " He who can, does; he who cannot, teaches ". I suppose if I look at it long enough, I may be able to squeeze a compliment out of that, but I don't really think so.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Ornithological Enthusiasms
Among the exciting gifts and good wishes which I received at my recent elevation to the Secret Order of Octogenarians was a delightful little bird who will be welcome in the collection of pictures, paintings, sculptures, leadlight suncatchers, books and books, calendars and miscellaneous cuttings and computer printouts about those beautiful creatures. While contemplating this new addition to my avian family, I was forced to acknowledge that, throughout my lifetime, I had (like millions of other people) developed many interests, some of which had expanded closely to the realms of Obsession. This is obviously a very serious character flaw -- one which has given me an enormous amount of pleasure. The majority of these crazes eventually disappeared (usually to be replaced by a new contender) after the expenditure of time, money and ever-diminishing space. I will be kind to myself and use the label Dilettante, rather than the more truthful fickle dabbler. [ Is a Fickle Dabbler a type of Duck ?] One of these Enthusiasms has been constant -- the interest in birds and the pleasure they have given me in the wild and on the printed page.
Until about the age of 25, I was like most folk, a casual noter of birds if they thrust themselves forward to be admired. [Ah ! The wasted ignorance of Youth ! ] Then a neighbouring School Principal showed me his Field Book and raved on about the variety of birds around his house. The disease had been implanted and I was unaware that I had been infected. It was a gradual onset which increased exponentially as we wandered the country engaged in work and recreation. Here at Atherton we planted trees that would attract birds and we have been rewarded with permanent occupants and regular visitors.
Obsessions may come; obsessions may go; but bird-watching lasts forever !!
Until about the age of 25, I was like most folk, a casual noter of birds if they thrust themselves forward to be admired. [Ah ! The wasted ignorance of Youth ! ] Then a neighbouring School Principal showed me his Field Book and raved on about the variety of birds around his house. The disease had been implanted and I was unaware that I had been infected. It was a gradual onset which increased exponentially as we wandered the country engaged in work and recreation. Here at Atherton we planted trees that would attract birds and we have been rewarded with permanent occupants and regular visitors.
Obsessions may come; obsessions may go; but bird-watching lasts forever !!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Medical Breakthrough
After reading yesterday's vitriolic attack on poor defenceless news readers, today's artifact will be a bright little gee-gaw reflecting light and good taste. I have been assured by a very good but anonymous source that the following story is true, and if that is so, it might explain the creation of some interesting phobias.
In the 16th Century, Thomas Muffett had a little daughter named Patience. He believed that spiders could cure many ailments. He wrote (probably in his daily blog) that having plenty of spiders in the house prevented gout. (This must be true, because I don't have gout). He also stated that Spider dung and urine cured running eyes. He often tried these spider remedies on Patience.
So this is why Little Miss Muffett ran from spiders, and probably from Dad too, and went through life with perpetually runny eyes. It might be best not to try these remedies unless under medical supervision.
In the 16th Century, Thomas Muffett had a little daughter named Patience. He believed that spiders could cure many ailments. He wrote (probably in his daily blog) that having plenty of spiders in the house prevented gout. (This must be true, because I don't have gout). He also stated that Spider dung and urine cured running eyes. He often tried these spider remedies on Patience.
So this is why Little Miss Muffett ran from spiders, and probably from Dad too, and went through life with perpetually runny eyes. It might be best not to try these remedies unless under medical supervision.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Language Disaster
This afternoon we had our second rainstorm in two days. Fortunately it caused no trouble and I am sure the gardens all benefitted. Had there been any ill effects, the News Editors from both radio and television would have launched into their stories with their favourite word that they toss into any "disaster" story. I believe they do this sadistic act only because they know that News Readers, almost without exception, will repetitiously mutilate it. The word is "havoc" !!
They love it ! Dictionaries give the last vowel a neutral sound; something like "uh". Perhaps a careless pedant might be forgiven for the use of a final short "o". However, a majority of News Readers lazily seem to prefer the short "i" sound, so that every cyclone creates Havick; earthquates create Havick; bushfires cause Havick; bombs, battles, uprisings, floods, droughts, all enjoy a bit of Havick. We know that the results of these occurrences can impact distastrously upon people, but this does not excuse the careless approach to the story, and indeed the lazy mispronunciation distracts from and minimizes the importance of the event. It seems a long time ago since the ABC promoted a standard in pronunciation and grammar. Now it appears that almost anything goes. One is left with a feeling that speech coaches are now retired rappers ( or rapsters) who enjoy the Havick caused by speech mutilation. Listeners deserve the courtesy of care and correctness. The facts of life dictate that polemics such as this will have little or no effect on the situation. However, I'm sure it will enable me to bear up more bravely under future havoc attacks.
They love it ! Dictionaries give the last vowel a neutral sound; something like "uh". Perhaps a careless pedant might be forgiven for the use of a final short "o". However, a majority of News Readers lazily seem to prefer the short "i" sound, so that every cyclone creates Havick; earthquates create Havick; bushfires cause Havick; bombs, battles, uprisings, floods, droughts, all enjoy a bit of Havick. We know that the results of these occurrences can impact distastrously upon people, but this does not excuse the careless approach to the story, and indeed the lazy mispronunciation distracts from and minimizes the importance of the event. It seems a long time ago since the ABC promoted a standard in pronunciation and grammar. Now it appears that almost anything goes. One is left with a feeling that speech coaches are now retired rappers ( or rapsters) who enjoy the Havick caused by speech mutilation. Listeners deserve the courtesy of care and correctness. The facts of life dictate that polemics such as this will have little or no effect on the situation. However, I'm sure it will enable me to bear up more bravely under future havoc attacks.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Ancient Wordsmith's Birthday 16/01/10
Today I waken to find that I have been alive on this planet for 80 years, so it is an important day. Yesterday was not an important day and tomorrow will not be an important day. Tradition dictates that I should celebrate the fact that I have managed to avoid major catastrophes and personal disasters for such a long period. Getting old is a natural process, if you are lucky. The main thing that I find distressful is that there is a tendency to spend a lot of time looking back, rather than planning for a finite future. It is enjoyable to look back at any time, especially if the mind is prepared to be selective and hide away unpleasant events while highlighting joyous moments, usually where one has played some positive role. This is why elderly people, of whom I may soon be one, start conversations with " When I was young ...." and reel off some occurrence usually to the implied detriment of the current hearer's behaviour. Therefore I resolve to continue looking forward, and to strive to restrain myself from homilies concerning "the good old days". Tomorrow will begin more good old days.
While thinking about birthday celebrations, I blessed the fact that certain traditions were not carried over to modern adult life. In Brazil and other South American countries, the ears of the birthday person are pulled once for each year of his or her life. In some cases, an extra pull for luck is given. I shudder to think of 80 pulls on my ear-lobe with or without one for luck. In Hungary, this experience is accompanied by a song which says, " God bless you should live so long, your ears reach to your ankles". That's really rubbing it in.
In Canada, the birthday person has his nose greased with butter or margarine, so bad luck cannot hold on to them. This is accompanied by a pinch for each year alive and the ubiquitous "one for luck". It seems that birthdays can be painful places and should be avoided where possible.
I shall conclude with one fashion which I managed to avoid by getting married at an appropriate time. In Germany, it was the practice that when a man reached 30 and still was unmarried, he had to sweep the stairs of the City Hall. Previously his "friends" had covered the stairs with rubble. After he was finished, they strewed the stairs with rubble once more for further cleaning. These sadistic trials were supposed to show the ladies that he was available and was a good housekeeper.
I have had another lovely birthday, with lots of kind words devoid of painful activities. I look forward to the next one.
While thinking about birthday celebrations, I blessed the fact that certain traditions were not carried over to modern adult life. In Brazil and other South American countries, the ears of the birthday person are pulled once for each year of his or her life. In some cases, an extra pull for luck is given. I shudder to think of 80 pulls on my ear-lobe with or without one for luck. In Hungary, this experience is accompanied by a song which says, " God bless you should live so long, your ears reach to your ankles". That's really rubbing it in.
In Canada, the birthday person has his nose greased with butter or margarine, so bad luck cannot hold on to them. This is accompanied by a pinch for each year alive and the ubiquitous "one for luck". It seems that birthdays can be painful places and should be avoided where possible.
I shall conclude with one fashion which I managed to avoid by getting married at an appropriate time. In Germany, it was the practice that when a man reached 30 and still was unmarried, he had to sweep the stairs of the City Hall. Previously his "friends" had covered the stairs with rubble. After he was finished, they strewed the stairs with rubble once more for further cleaning. These sadistic trials were supposed to show the ladies that he was available and was a good housekeeper.
I have had another lovely birthday, with lots of kind words devoid of painful activities. I look forward to the next one.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The War Against Senility
Recently on television, Andrew Denton has been hosting a programme called "Elders", for which he has chosen half a dozen people who, because they have been lucky enough to survive to a reasonably elderly age, are assumed to have acquired wisdom. As I look around me, I feel that there is not necessarily a correlation between AGE and WISDOM, and I might even go so far as to say this relationship is rare. As I age, I patiently wait to acquire my share of this scarce quality,but must admit that there is little evidence of onset, at this stage. Incidentally, I am far from being a fan of Andrew, but I must acknowledge that there are times when he does exhibit good interviewing skills.
One of his guests was the "Silver Bodgie", Bob Hawke, a former Prime Minister of Australia. There are many things that Bob and I would not agree on, but one of his statements I considered to be very wise. He felt that in order to combat the onset of Dementia or Altzeimer's Disease, one needs to constantly exercise the brain and challenge it with fresh information. I know there is no magic bullet for this problem, but it seems logical that the brain will respond more positively to fresh stimuli than to torpor and disuse. One of Bob's techniques is to solve two Cryptic Crosswords each day. I don't know whether his solving skills are better than mine, or he works on easier puzzles. I sometimes solve ONE in a day, with great celebration, though some may carry over for some days. I have several books of puzzles of varying difficulty to suit my current mood. For the maximum of difficulty and frustration, I think the ones that are collected from the British daily newspapers rank highly.
As we dodder on into our wisdom-filled twilight years, perhaps Bob and I will be able to compare the efficacy of the various types of puzzles available.
One of his guests was the "Silver Bodgie", Bob Hawke, a former Prime Minister of Australia. There are many things that Bob and I would not agree on, but one of his statements I considered to be very wise. He felt that in order to combat the onset of Dementia or Altzeimer's Disease, one needs to constantly exercise the brain and challenge it with fresh information. I know there is no magic bullet for this problem, but it seems logical that the brain will respond more positively to fresh stimuli than to torpor and disuse. One of Bob's techniques is to solve two Cryptic Crosswords each day. I don't know whether his solving skills are better than mine, or he works on easier puzzles. I sometimes solve ONE in a day, with great celebration, though some may carry over for some days. I have several books of puzzles of varying difficulty to suit my current mood. For the maximum of difficulty and frustration, I think the ones that are collected from the British daily newspapers rank highly.
As we dodder on into our wisdom-filled twilight years, perhaps Bob and I will be able to compare the efficacy of the various types of puzzles available.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wordsmith At Work
Imagine the wordsmith sitting cross-legged in a small cubicle crammed into a teeming bazaar. Like his neighbours, the tinsmith, the copper smith and even the blacksmith, he patiently hammers away at the basic materials, eventually to produce a unique creation that gives pleasure to him, and perhaps will catch the eye of some discerning browser in the markets -- someone who appreciates its intrinsic beauty, and the time and patience expended in its design. For the philistine who can spare little or no time to examine his work, or damns it with petty criticism, the wordsmith feels only pity that such narrow vision has no room for something new -- something different. Tomorrow, the vulgarian's world will remain closed and sterile, but the wordsmith will arrange his materials, ready to venture once again into his magic world of creativity.
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