Education Innovation

It is apparent that there is a current thrust to overcome deficiencies in our education system. The following areas are considered to need extra attention, and it is to be hoped that Federal Funding will be forthcoming, especially in an Election Year.

1. Greengrocers' Billboard Academies : Several fruit shops have recently gone bankrupt because they have ignored the basic rules of billboard advertising. Extra money is needed for certification in two sections of this skilled profession . The first is Rule 1 which states "All words ending in 's' must have an apostrophe shoved in before the 's' irrespective of its number or possessive intent." If this skill can be accompanied by Rule 2 , (" A Notice will lack impact unless attention can be attracted with an incorrectly spelt word ."), vegetable sales should increase dramatically to the benefit of the National Economy.

2. TV Advertising Traineeships : There has been a noticeable falling-off of quality in announcers' advertising skills, although a few islands of mediocrity remain on Channels 9 and 10. Applicants for these traineeships must be prepared to practise assiduously in the following departments; Advertising 101 -- Shouting loudly, especially when promoting sub-standard goods. Shout ! Shout ! SHOUT !
Advertising 201 -- This is an advanced course where Shouting ! is accompanied by a high-pitched "funny" voice. This is guaranteed to attract positive attention.
Advertising 301 -- This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. This is the most important aspect of TV selling. Every time a listener thinks that the long advertisement is ended, the whole rigmarole must be repeated, and repeated, ....
An extra Diploma will be awarded to students who can instill a sense of urgency by shouting "Hurry ! " as often as possible. Reluctant applicants for this course are reminded that several advertising announcers have been forced to resign recently because they repeated ads only three times, rather than more frequently. Everyone Needs This Course ! Hurry ! Last Days for Enrolment ! Offer Never To Be Repeated !

Applicaton Advice for other Courses will be available in the next edition of this bulletin.