Strange Occupations

In a paint manufacturing firm, who has the job of giving the paint colours their names ? Is paint-naming a specialised craft or something that is palmed off onto the office boy or another staff member with a history of under-achievement ? I don't remember seeing any newspaper advertisements seeking a highly qualified lateral-thinking person for the position of Hue Titler, previous experience not necessary. Perhaps employers have a stall at School Careers Day where an expert, staring fixedly at a pile of coloured splotches, tries to encourage school-leavers to venture into this unusual field with great future opportunities. Are there University Courses, e.g. Paint Nomenclature 101, where you could get your Degree and perhaps move on to a Post-graduate Thesis, perhaps even a Fellowship ? Maybe there is a source, perhaps on the Web, that can explain the reasoning behind the choice of combining a particular colour with an imaginative description. Obviously the "namers" are highly creative and alive to current trends, but the potential purchaser of the paint must frequently puzzle over the aptness of a title and whether said title immediately calls up a specific colour image.

If I could enrol in a course such as one of the above, or have contact with a Public Relations employee of a paint firm, would I find it any easier to understand this esoteric career ? So many questions remain unanswered ! I am studying a Paint Chart to try and solve some of them.

What induced a Titler to call an anaemic pinky-grey, Wollybutt ? (Not Woollybutt which at least calls up some intriguing pictures ; but Wolybutt ?) Do they think that Koonunga will make me see a muddy dark green ? (I freely offer that name for future use -- Muddy Dark Green). Another offering is a darkish grey with a bluish tinge called Dunny Do. I'm sure you'd rush out to buy a couple cans of that, wouldn't you ? Perhaps you would prefer a flat, bland blue called Scruple -- and I never ever knew that Scruples were blue. Maybe flat Ginko, a subtle shade of black, would be your preference. Some colours on the chart do seem to have names that could be considered relevant. Red Fire is a deep red ball; it looks like a red fire-ball. I'll bet that colour selector received a rap over the knuckles at the Monthly Staff Meeting for that slip. The manager would be fuming to think that an uninitiated user could understand the link between number and name. Further errors like that could signal the end of their secret cult, and would certainly see the departure of the lack-lustre employee and a series of job offers appearing in the local paper.

Be on the lookout for Dan Brown's next book which is based on this particular phenomena. It has been tentatively titled " The Mystery Of The Bundena Blue Code & The Rainbow Connection"